Girl’s 
        Girl
A note from the author, Julia 
D’Amato, she/her: This article 
represents my opinions, not 
facts. Please take it with a few 
million grains of salt.
It is time to talk about the “girl’s 
girl.” If you are unfamiliar with 
this phrase, the girl’s girl de­
scribes an often-heterosexual 
feminist who prioritizes her 
female friends over male val­
idation. In theory, it is a lovely 
reminder of sisterhood which 
ignites authentically support­
ive communities. In practice, 
the flattened execution of the 
girl’s girl all too often serves as 
a covert yet powerful agent of 
misogyny whose embodiment 
and misinterpretation are coun­
terproductive. 
I wholeheartedly admire what 
the girl’s girl trope is trying to 
do. It strives to advance the 
cause of women supporting 
women by reminding us that 
appealing to men at the ex­
pense of a friendship makes ev­
eryone feel worse. However, the 
concept has been twisted into 
yet another way of repressing 
women and pitting us against 
each other. 
A sadomasochistic cycle mate­
rializes when women discredit 
one another for valuing male 
approval. This excessive criti­
cism creates a cultural sadism 
disguised as feminism where­
in women are encouraged to 
scorn each other for ‘succumb­
ing’ to the male gaze. However, 
these critiques are more than 
just sadistic desires to hurt oth­
ers; they are also masochistic. 
By this, I mean that externalized 
judgment of other women can 
become internalized as self-crit­
icism: that boy-crazy woman 
could easily have been me, was 
me, or secretly is me. We are re­
lieved at our individual restraint, 
ashamed of our past naivety, or 
even desirous of the freedom 
that other women enjoy. 
I believe that a woman's worth 
should not be contingent upon 
whether she chooses to engage 
with or avoid sex and male 
attention. As you know, women 
receive messaging throughout 
girlhood about our romantic 
and sexual interactions with 
men. We are told by men and 
women alike that receiving 
male validation is great, but 
acting on that validation is 
bad. In young-adulthood, if a 
woman has not “de-centered” 
male validation or ‘grown’ out 
of her need for it, she is often 
labeled as naive, a bad feminist, 
and perhaps even a ‘pick-me.’ 
However, the desire for atten­
tion and love is a natural part 
of being human and should 
be treated as such. Of course, 
I would never suggest that 
women should make men more 
central. I know that any deliv­
erance of respect within the 
terms & conditions of patriarchy 
is a meager reward, because it 
necessitates endless appeals 
to those with power. However, I 
do not believe in shaming other 
On the
By Julia D'Amato
18

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