ment” takes on new meaning. 
Embarrassment, unlike shame 
or guilt, is externally imposed—
the product of breaking social 
rules rather than moral ones. 
Navigating between emo­
tions in the public and private 
spheres has always been a 
challenge for women in a so­
ciety that does not view them 
as people, and newly imposed 
restrictions on expressing ro­
mantic love provide yet another 
obstacle, forcing an insincere 
and impractical concealment 
of our personal lives to protect 
us from embarrassment, even 
in front of our closest friends. 
We are not necessarily em­
barrassed in front of ourselves 
as much as we are in front of 
others. Therefore, to be embar­
rassed of a boyfriend means to 
feel scrutinized by outsiders for 
demonstrating care or vulnera­
bility. Conversely, to insist that 
others feel ashamed of their 
own relationships to pay their 
dues to the latest baseless in­
ternet feminism trend provides 
another standard to weaponize 
against the women closest to 
us. 
How did this judgment and in­
security about being perceived 
become so insidious? These 
immature conversations set a 
new standard that allows us to 
play into our lowest instincts. 
Though cliché-sounding, sham­
ing others (especially friends) 
for how they present their 
relationships to the world only 
creates further insecurity and 
turmoil around intimacy. As fun 
as it may be to pretend that inti­
macy can be out of fashion and 
that our harshest judgments 
are in service of some greater 
pseudofeminist activism, the 
unfortunate truth remains that
By Anonymous 
real change will never be the 
result of reactionary, borderline 
moronic conversations about 
what to do with the “young, 
single white woman.” Annoying­
ly, real change begins by open­
ing our own minds, especially 
toward those around us, even 
if it means laying down the 
judgments we use to protect 
ourselves.
Artwork by Norah Nijbroek 

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